Why I Have a Younger Lover: Memoirs of a MILF

Six months ago I took a younger lover, Zac (not his real name). I didn’t intentionally set out to find someone younger, but I did lower the age range of men I was looking for on Tinder. I went through a stage before that, dating what you’d call the “silver fox”, with limited success. The issue I found was that although we were compatible on paper, the spark just wasn’t there for me. They were just missing that extra “something”. Kids and ex-wives got in the way, as did mortgages and work. They seemed so “old”.

Lowering the age range on tinder

I lowered the age range on my app and immediately things changed. It was amazing that just by viewing the guys 5 – 10 years younger than me, the more interesting and broad the range of guys on offer was. I decided to throw caution to the wind, and  bit the bullet and dated someone, as an experiment, who was 9 years my junior. Zac* was quirky looking, in a handsome way, had an interesting back story and liked black humour. Perfect. We met at the local pub, hit it off and have been seeing each other ever since. I didn’t realise the pandora’s box I was opening.

Sexual attraction to my younger lover was instant

The spark wasn’t missing, it was explosive. I honestly cannot get enough of him Apart from being very witty with a keen intellect, Zac is diverse and adventurous in the sheets (and out of them). Despite my life experience (and I was no angel in my teens and twenties), I am relatively innocent of modern trends in sex. This is mainly because of an 18 year marriage, the habits of which stayed firmly in the 1990’s. The marriage sex didn’t progress to adult toys, porn, female orgasms (really!) or anything beyond missionary vanilla. I had chosen a partner who was a good father to my child, who was a friend and companion. I didn’t think of how I would feel at this age, beyond children, beyond playing happy families and being a “wifey”.

After my separation I dated a few men my age and older. One was just awful (the human sucker fish) and stalked me for a short time. Another was just for sex, and emotionally vacant (probably what I needed at that point). The sex I had them wasn’t much fun. These men had been in long term marriages too, and hadn’t ventured out of that experience. Most were looking for a replacement “wifey”, literally the last thing I wanted to be.

 

Being a designer and writer, I am a fairly progressive thinker, broad minded and creative. It seems that men about 5 -10 years younger seem to be more interesting and on my wave length. I also don’t look act or dress like other women my age (at least I’d like to think so).

My younger lover Zac has had a much broader sex life to me. He’s into all kinds of stuff I had only ever fantasised about or secretly watched in porn. He’s about as far from vanilla as there is. It wasn’t a massive leap into unchartered waters. The change in my sexual activities weren’t immediate though. Zac was slow and steady, using incremental encroachment, but making it clear where we were heading.

Confidence is everything

His cocky confidence and conviction made me feel safe along the way, but more than a bit excited about the trajectory. For example at the beginning he joked that he’d “have my ass”. I didn’t feel pressured, nothing like that, but I knew he was coming in the back door eventually. The first time we tried anal, it was careful, slow and well lubricated and insanely good. I was expecting the painful experience I’d had in my twenties, but I’d have to say it was the opposite. It was like losing my virginity. It felt like a new world had opened up for me.

We have advanced to more adventurous sexscapades, and I have to say, I’m hooked. He’s utterly delighted. There are loads of other things on the table for the future and I will keep you posted.

The Honeymoon Period

Of course there was the wonderful honeymoon period. Sleepless nights, swooning, racing heart rate and the ubiquitous honeymoon cystitis. But that has evolved into a more interesting phase where I can totally be myself sexually. More than I have been in my life. I think the fact that we give each other space and don’t do absolutely everything together. Yes, we love each other, but we have time apart which means we get to miss each other, talk dirty on the phone, send sexy messages through the day. We are always left wanting more. I dread the “getting comfortable” part that some relationships inevitably seem to arrive at. It’s a sex-life killer. I hope that we can keep enjoying each other for what “this” is.

Younger lovers have more energy

That main thing I appreciate about my younger lover is his energy, open mind and fresh approach. Something seems to happen to people sexually as they age, where they get set in a pattern and don’t deviate from it. Sex seems more like a chore, ticking of a task on a to do list: oral sex, missionary, me on top, he comes, I don’t. I find now, with the variety and the lack of routine that I never know what I am going to get and when I do get it, I love it. We stay up all night talking, f*cking, talking more, arguing about social issues, laughing, f*cking some more.

I also think not looking after children helps. My daughter is nearly grown up and so I am not looking for a father figure for her. I’m also not worried or have her coming into my bed through the night. My lover and I can sleep naked. I do however have to watch the noise level as we did get into trouble and I got some angry texts from the other room. I guess my daughter doesn’t appreciate the slapping noises as his hand whacked my butt repeatedly or the whir of my g-spot massager. As long as we wait until she is asleep or goes out we are OK. If we want to get really loud we just treat ourselves to a city hotel. That’s loads of fun.

I chose my younger lover just for me

My younger lover wants me just for “me” and it is very mutual. He loves my black humour, intelligence, curvy body with all it it’s imperfections. The most unique part of it is that we haven’t had a fight or even a major disagreement. The key I think is that the relationship isn’t trying to be anything other than it is. We don’t have any expectations of each other and enjoy our time together, without forcing things into a box. We’ve both been married and he had his daughter at a young age, so that’s off the table. It’s all about making each other feel good. And isn’t that what we all want?

If you have had a relationship with a younger lover, please let me know your thoughts in the comments box below…

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*name changed to protect the “not-so-innocent”.