As you can see from the title, I tried having a threesome, it didn’t work out. Of all the things I try in the bedroom, of course this would happen to yours truly!
Let me tell you the story of what really happened.
I was out with a few of my gal pals just going to one club after the next, from some of which I got kicked out because I was getting too “friendly” with the bartender. At one club I bumped into this guy (let’s call him ‘Bill’) I was flirting with on Tinder, so we started chatting, me in my half-drunken state and him in a similar state. So we started talking about threesomes; I don’t remember how that topic came up but it did.
We asked each other if either had ever been in a threesome and neither of us have so we both looked at each other in a mischievous way, having the same idea I believe because we both blurted out “do you want one?” at the same time. We laughed, we giggled, we started looking for a potential third party.
So while we looked around, I noticed my friends have actually disappeared. Bitches thought I was getting laid with the guy so they left me. Such good friends. Whatever. I’m having a threesome tonight!
Bill said he didn’t want the third person to be a guy and I was fine with that because I don’t mind a girl; I’ve been to college, I’ve had a few experiments. We then went in two different directions so we could cover more ground. We started talking to a few girls who looked like they were there by themselves. You can’t really go up to someone and say “Hey you want a threesome?” because that shit doesn’t work; I know I’ve tried. So I ended up looking for Bill to tell him that I can’t recruit anyone because I suck.
Then I spotted Bill talking to this girl across the dance floor and he started pointing at me mid conversation. I approached them with hope in my eyes. Bill introduced me to “Mandy” and Mandy said she’s interested in what we’re trying to do. And as luck would have it, Mandy lived not too far from the club. Things were looking up!
So fast forward to Mandy’s place and all three of us are now in her bedroom. We put on some mood music to get things going. We took each other’s clothes off. We were all kissing each other. In my head I was like “OMG, this is actually happening! I’ve been waiting for this my whole life.” As Mandy and I continued making out with each other, Bill watches us. He’s already got a hard-on. And seeing it for the first time, praise the lord, it was glorious.
Mandy and I got closer to Bill’s erection and we started to have our way with it with our mouths, you can just imagine the look on Bill’s face. Everything was going well. Until it was time for Bill to actually enter one of us, he chose me as his first and then he started to experience “whiskey dick”. I don’t know what happened with him, everything was fine until that moment. So he tried again with Mandy and it still wouldn’t happen. We were all still horny so this is a HUGE bump in the three-way road!
Since he couldn’t keep it up, Mandy and I proceeded with our two-some while Bill sat next to the bed watching us. Neither one of us had our dreams come true in the end. Our threesome was a flop!
But I had sex with a girl so at least I got something out of it. I was actually impressed with myself because I made Mandy come a few times. Unfortunately, I didn’t get off that night. Maybe I have better luck with girls than with guys. I mean, as soon as Bill tried to fuck me, he lost his boner, never to return again. I’ve had more sex fails with men than with women. The stats don’t lie: out of all the sex I’ve had with men, only about 40% have been successful whereas with women it’s 100% successful. Sure, it’s only one girl so far but come on!
Anyway, this is the story of my almost threesome. It almost actually happened. But sadly, it failed. I never saw Bill or Mandy again after that night. But I’m okay with that. I’m just not okay with my failed threesome. I just hope I can redeem myself when luck strikes again.
Have you had better luck than me? How did you do it? I need advice. Tweet me at @ZoeUnfiltered or email me on zoe@adultpress.com.au
